4 words: hood of his car
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes