Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
