so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.