You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?