Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice