dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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