So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
