I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
