addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
