girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
