She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
