my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
