i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
