Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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