All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
