my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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