and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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