awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
