btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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