When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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