My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
