I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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