Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
