i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
