i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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