WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize