trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
