No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
