Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
