just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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