I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want nice things and good sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
