theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
