come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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