When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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