Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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