his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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