I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
