I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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