Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize