Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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