WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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