Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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