walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
