A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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