We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
