I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
