soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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