He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
