Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
