Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
