he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you win again, gameday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
