I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
