i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think i have two assholes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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