We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
