did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
