ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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