dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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