You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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