i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
