If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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