Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
