i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
