If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
