I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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