he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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