My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize