Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
