i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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