Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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