So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
