You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
