Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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