just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
