I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
